God’s Plan

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

To the two loves of my life:

Life is funny, and I have come to realize that God has a sense of humor because this girl that has always believed in the “happily-ever-after, love everlasting, and one true love” finds herself at the age of 65 having lived a very full life with the blessings of not one, but two happily-ever-after love stories. How incredibly blessed! God’s plan, most definitely. God’s sense of humor, most definitely. The angels in heaven are sitting and watching in anticipation to see how Lynne Westmoreland McGinnis Murrell navigates through life and handles each page, each chapter of the story God is writing. What is even funnier is that in my egotistical thoughts I have been writing a blog about prayer and how miracles happen because of prayer, and where I truly do believe in the power of prayer, yet after tonight I knew God wanted me to lay that one aside and write something that shows my weaknesses, my faults, and how I depend on Him to keep me focused on Him.

I have wrestled with what to write about next for the last two months, since July 24th specifically. God knew all along, He kept putting the signs up and I kept ignoring them. I was not ready to deal with the ‘elephant in the room’.

To say I am and have truly been blessed with two true happily-ever-after loves is an understatement. I do not know of anyone else from my acquaintances that married their high-school sweetheart, worked, and supported each other, had an incredible son together, and lived happily-ever-after until death parted us after 10 years; yet only to find a second love. Now I have been blessed to blend our two families and live happily ever after for the last 33 years together and counting. How do you explain that other that God’s plan, other than God is the author of my story, and it is up to me to live that story well?

I fall short every day of living His story well. July 24th, the National EMS Memorial Ceremony was held and my first husband, Mike McGinnis, was recognized and honored. At the same time the ceremony was being held, my family and I were unpacking in anticipation of a week at the beach. I felt overwhelmed and extremely sad that Patrick and I did not know ahead of time so that we could have been there and had the honor of being a part of that ceremony. My personal shortcoming at that moment was that I let that set the mood for me for the rest of that week. As I look back now, I am incredibly disappointed in myself and the mood that I allowed to set in for what should have been a great week with my family. I had the opportunity to spend an incredible week with my family at the beach, but I kept my focus on the ceremony that I missed, instead of letting myself enjoy the time spent with family.

As I look back now, I disappointed not only myself, but I disappointed Mike and my parents. They were all about family, God, and making the most of the spending time together. Yet, my focus was on a ceremony we missed. A ceremony that Mike would not have wanted the focus to be on him. Mike was a very humble person, he did not want or need accolades for what he did; however, he would have loved that Pam, Perry, and Eastcare were being recognized. He would have loved that their families were there to recognize them, yet at the same time he would have loved that I was with the family God gave me after he was gone. He would have smiled and given me a hug and a thumbs up for placing emphasis on my family instead of him. I failed again.

Don’t let anyone tell you that living life and building relationships with two true loves in one lifetime is easy. It is a blessing, yes! However, it is incredibly difficult to manage your emotions and feelings with the two loves that God has blessed you with. There always seems to be conflict – not between the two true loves, but between your own feelings of love, guilt, and happiness.

Then here we are now . . .

Life is good. Steve and I are retired together. We are enjoying where we are in life right now. Then health issues arise, and Steve became critically ill after two major surgeries and a staph infection. Focus on life changed. He became my everything. He has been my everything for the last 33 years, but now his health and his well-being have become the center of my focus. I have become his nurse, his caregiver, and at times it is overwhelming. I consider myself a very good teacher, yet now I need to step into the role of nurse. Again, God’s sense of humor becomes a part of life. I was totally unprepared at first for this new role. I could help but ask myself, “Does God really know what he is doing? I am not a nurse! Yet here I find myself in that position in life.” God’s plan, God’s timing! Perfect!

God, the angels, and especially Mike McGinnis are having a grand time with this one. Oh my, I can just imagine Mike and the expression on his face as he looks at me from heaven taking blood pressures, temperatures, and blood oxygens, not to mention pushing infusion antibiotics. God, do you truly know me? Yes, He does. And He doesn’t give us more than we can handle if we place our trust and faith in Him first. God knows and He is there, always!

God gives us strength, wisdom, guidance, and the skills needed to get the job done that He places in front of us. Every time! Always! My God is incredible!

Yet here I am tonight and heart is so heavy, so torn between the two loves that God has blessed me with in this life. God has blessed me, truly blessed me with the two incredible men He placed in my life, my two loves.

Right now, Steve needs me. He needs me for so many things. His life may not depend on it, but his recovery from all he has been through does depend on me being by his side, at least for the next 5 to 6 weeks, 24/7.

Yet, tomorrow Mike is being honored at another ceremony for the National EMS Memorial Bike Ride and there is no one else that will be there from his family. My heart is torn, yet in the end I will be with Steve because I love him and he is my here, my now, and my forever. He is the one God gave me after He took Mike to be with Him in Heaven. God is the author of all our stories. His plan is prefect, His timing is perfect.

Here I am tonight at 1:00 am, and finally at peace with where I need to be. I need to be here with Steve and there is a peace in my heart because I know Mike would understand.

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

To the two loves of my life:

Life is funny, and I have come to realize that God has a sense of humor because this girl that has always believed in the “happily-ever-after, love everlasting, and one true love” finds herself at the age of 65 having lived a very full life with the blessings of not one, but two happily-ever-after love stories. How incredibly blessed! God’s plan, most definitely. God’s sense of humor, most definitely. The angels in heaven are sitting and watching in anticipation to see how Lynne Westmoreland McGinnis Murrell navigates through life and handles each page, each chapter of the story God is writing. What is even funnier is that in my egotistical thoughts I have been writing a blog about prayer and how miracles happen because of prayer, and where I truly do believe in the power of prayer, yet after tonight I knew God wanted me to lay that one aside and write something that shows my weaknesses, my faults, and how I depend on Him to keep me focused on Him.

I have wrestled with what to write about next for the last two months, since July 24th specifically. God knew all along, He kept putting the signs up and I kept ignoring them. I was not ready to deal with the ‘elephant in the room’.

To say I am and have truly been blessed with two true happily-ever-after loves is an understatement. I do not know of anyone else from my acquaintances that married their high-school sweetheart, worked, and supported each other, had an incredible son together, and lived happily-ever-after until death parted us after 10 years; yet only to find a second love. Now I have been blessed to blend our two families and live happily ever after for the last 33 years together and counting. How do you explain that other that God’s plan, other than God is the author of my story, and it is up to me to live that story well?

I fall short every day of living His story well. July 24th, the National EMS Memorial Ceremony was held and my first husband, Mike McGinnis, was recognized and honored. At the same time the ceremony was being held, my family and I were unpacking in anticipation of a week at the beach. I felt overwhelmed and extremely sad that Patrick and I did not know ahead of time so that we could have been there and had the honor of being a part of that ceremony. My personal shortcoming at that moment was that I let that set the mood for me for the rest of that week. As I look back now, I am incredibly disappointed in myself and the mood that I allowed to set in for what should have been a great week with my family. I had the opportunity to spend an incredible week with my family at the beach, but I kept my focus on the ceremony that I missed, instead of letting myself enjoy the time spent with family.

As I look back now, I disappointed not only myself, but I disappointed Mike and my parents. They were all about family, God, and making the most of the spending time together. Yet, my focus was on a ceremony we missed. A ceremony that Mike would not have wanted the focus to be on him. Mike was a very humble person, he did not want or need accolades for what he did; however, he would have loved that Pam, Perry, and Eastcare were being recognized. He would have loved that their families were there to recognize them, yet at the same time he would have loved that I was with the family God gave me after he was gone. He would have smiled and given me a hug and a thumbs up for placing emphasis on my family instead of him. I failed again.

Don’t let anyone tell you that living life and building relationships with two true loves in one lifetime is easy. It is a blessing, yes! However, it is incredibly difficult to manage your emotions and feelings with the two loves that God has blessed you with. There always seems to be conflict – not between the two true loves, but between your own feelings of love, guilt, and happiness.

Then here we are now . . .

Life is good. Steve and I are retired together. We are enjoying where we are in life right now. Then health issues arise, and Steve became critically ill after two major surgeries and a staph infection. Focus on life changed. He became my everything. He has been my everything for the last 33 years, but now his health and his well-being have become the center of my focus. I have become his nurse, his caregiver, and at times it is overwhelming. I consider myself a very good teacher, yet now I need to step into the role of nurse. Again, God’s sense of humor becomes a part of life. I was totally unprepared at first for this new role. I could help but ask myself, “Does God really know what he is doing? I am not a nurse! Yet here I find myself in that position in life.” God’s plan, God’s timing! Perfect!

God, the angels, and especially Mike McGinnis are having a grand time with this one. Oh my, I can just imagine Mike and the expression on his face as he looks at me from heaven taking blood pressures, temperatures, and blood oxygens, not to mention pushing infusion antibiotics. God, do you truly know me? Yes, He does. And He doesn’t give us more than we can handle if we place our trust and faith in Him first. God knows and He is there, always!

God gives us strength, wisdom, guidance, and the skills needed to get the job done that He places in front of us. Every time! Always! My God is incredible!

Yet here I am tonight and heart is so heavy, so torn between the two loves that God has blessed me with in this life. God has blessed me, truly blessed me with the two incredible men He placed in my life, my two loves.

Right now, Steve needs me. He needs me for so many things. His life may not depend on it, but his recovery from all he has been through does depend on me being by his side, at least for the next 5 to 6 weeks, 24/7.

Yet, tomorrow Mike is being honored at another ceremony for the National EMS Memorial Bike Ride and there is no one else that will be there from his family. My heart is torn, yet in the end I will be with Steve because I love him and he is my here, my now, and my forever. He is the one God gave me after He took Mike to be with Him in Heaven. God is the author of all our stories. His plan is prefect, His timing is perfect.

Here I am tonight at 1:00 am, and finally at peace with where I need to be. I need to be here with Steve and there is a peace in my heart because I know Mike would understand.

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